This is has been the most traumatic experience for me to walk through with my children. Even harder than losing my dad in 2013. We knew Papaw was dying and going to heaven. We mourned as we watched him leave us. We said our good byes. We were rejoicing through tears as he left this life. Watching Hugo die was not like that. He was our puppy. A long life left to live with us. My children even had his life span in their minds. They'd be in their mid to late 20's when he died. They even got a little teary thinking he wouldn't live forever.
We took Hugo to an emergency veterinarian office late Sunday. He didn't have a broken bone in his whole body. He was coughing up blood from his lungs. He was bleeding from the nose and mouth. They did all they knew how but he didn't live through the night.
We woke the kids early Monday morning. 6:30 am. Loaded up the car with all of us and a shovel to go pick up his body. The broken hearts in the car were tangible. We had him in the car by 7:30am. Then drove to Cartwright Ok to the family land to bury our puppy. We all petted him one last time, saw his sweet freckled face and paws. Said our goodbyes through sobs.
It's now Wednesday and I have to watch my daughter walk around our house not knowing what to do with herself. She was always watching Hugo, bathing him, walking him, taking him outside (he was house broke by 3 months), or telling him to drop something he didn't need to be chewing on. He loved to counter surf and to chew up my sons toys. That rascal. Watching her be at a loss is hard.
I've let my children feel all of this with me right there beside them. The pain. The confusion. The anger. The blame. The memories. The laughs. The tears. All of it. It's not fun but grieving with my kids has taught me a good lesson. Don't be afraid of pain and loss. It's a part of life. It happens. Letting them feel and process is so good for them. I am not afraid of their pain. I see that releasing it to someone they trust is vital to their heart health.
We prayed for Hugo. Expecting to have him healed. Our faith was high. He wasn't healed. My kids ask me why God didn't heal the dog. I say I don't know. God is a big boy. He can defend himself. I'm not going to defend. All I say is I trust God. He is good. Only the devil steals, kills, and destroys. So my response is ask God. Find out what he has to say to you. We've all had an unanswered prayer and lost something we love. I don't know why. I do know the faithfulness of our Heavenly Father. The comfort of the Holy Spirit. The beauty of my salvaged life in Jesus. Those are my rocks in confusing times. I'm encouraging my kids to draw into God. Find Him. Loss is hard. Impossible. Living life without Jesus is harder. So in God will I trust.
Today I'm thankful. Thankful for the love we have for our dog. Thankful for the tender hearts I'm raising. Thankful that I know where to go when life doesn't make sense. Thankful that I know where to find forgiveness. Thankful that I know to teach my children to forgive themselves. Thankful that I have my family.
We are in mourning. But we are more than conquerors and we are comforted by the Holy Spirit.
Good bye Hugo. 
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